Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
