hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
