Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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