i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just want nice things and good sex
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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