When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
