there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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