How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
