No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
