How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
