it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
