I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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