I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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