4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
