the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
