Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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