I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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