Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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