your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
