Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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