Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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