Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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