My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
