she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
