no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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