I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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