What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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