I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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