I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
