VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
