ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
