omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
