you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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