eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
