I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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