Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
