ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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