i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
