im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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