respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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