my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
