There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
