I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
