did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
