That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
