i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Someone signed my nipple.
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