Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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