My room smells like vodka and shame
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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