There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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