woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
