i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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