I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
