someone threw a dead crab at me
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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