im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
