on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
