Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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