I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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