But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
