I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
