look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just blew my weed a kiss
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
