I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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