I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize