Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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