I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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