My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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