I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
