I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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