You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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