You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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