I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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