butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
